A woman who has been raped or sexually assaulted needs support and care from those around her. Her trust in other people has probably been severely affected by the event. Be prepared to hear distressing details and make it clear to her that you believe what she tells you. Listening to her and believing her are two vital things you can do for her

• Don’t ask her to “forget it”, even if it took place a long time ago. She cannot forget what has happened

• Don’t ask why she didn’t fight back, scream for help or run away; she will be asking herself these questions and probably blaming herself

• Allow her to cry if she needs to; expressing her feelings is an important part of the healing process

• Help her to deal with the practical consequences of the attack; she may need to see a doctor, get a pregnancy test, or be tested for any sexually transmitted infections

• Try to reassure her that this was not her fault; help her to put the blame where it should rightly be – with the abuser

• Respect her feelings with regard to any sexual contact and do not put any pressure on her

• Remember that even if the attack took place years ago, perhaps when she was a child, she might be living with the memories as much now as around the time of the attack. Flashbacks are common, which can be triggered by many things, and can be very vivid